I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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