Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize