Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
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