I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
