yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
