My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
