I just saw a hot homeless man
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
