shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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