we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
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I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
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I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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