First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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