You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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