I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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