her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
