The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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