Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
