You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
