you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
