Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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