First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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