i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
