Who did Billy Mays play for?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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