I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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