and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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