it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
