Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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