you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
