I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
