He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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