I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
