Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
