in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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