I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
