Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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