Tell her she can't have a vagina
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
