I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
