This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
