I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
