Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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