i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
