She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
