This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
