I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"