im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
