I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his