oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say