I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
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They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
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so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom