I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
