so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
