Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
