i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
