I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Text me some of your sweat
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
