I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Randomize
