My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
