so that wasnt chicken after all
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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