The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
