dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
