i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
