Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
