Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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