i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
