I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Randomize
