i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
