We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
So here I am, sexting at work.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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