I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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